M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Redeem this text for a blowjob
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
