It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
