oh god the rape fog is back!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
