i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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