There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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