We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
