Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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