my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We just shotgunned beers for America
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
