she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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