i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
