he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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