clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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