Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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