i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
