How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
