Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
pop tarts are not kleenex
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
