So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
