He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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