hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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