His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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