you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
