he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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