The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
