i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
