My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
