he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
