Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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