kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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