Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
