We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
