I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
