in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
