just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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