What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
