3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
