Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
