Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
