we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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