I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
