We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
