I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
