I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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