I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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