is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
