Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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