you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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