All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
