hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
