Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
