whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
