please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
