went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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