Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
