farters have to be the big spoon...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
