i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
