i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
