Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Everyone says I win the strip club
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
